No one is coming

I’m generally an independent person. Asking for help is always at the bottom of the list for me in terms of actions that I would take on any given task.

I’ve always been relatively independent, but becoming an adult, and a father, made me realize that no one else was responsible for building the life I wanted for my family.

“No one is coming” is a bit of an extreme outlook. I’ve always had friends and family that would help me if I were to ask for it. It’s more a statement of responsibility than reality.

To me, I think of it as both a kick in the ass and a calm hand on my shoulder. It reminds me that I’m capable of figuring things out on my own. That if there’s a problem in front of me, my first instinct should be to learn, adapt, and do the work rather than wait for someone else to solve it.

Looking back, that mindset served me well. It pushed me to learn new skills, make intentional career decisions, and get our finances in order. More importantly, it created margin in our lives.

We took in family members at different times. We eventually adopted. None of those things would have been possible if we had been barely keeping our own heads above water.

It’s the same idea behind flight attendants’ instructions to place your air mask on first.

I’m now seeing the other side of this lesson. My family has seen an outpouring of support since I was diagnosed with cancer.

Friends donated through GoFundMe, opened their homes to us, sent postcards, and even did research on treatment options. They were able to help because, at some point, they had built margin into their own lives.

Maybe that’s the goal. Build a life with enough margin to help others when they need it, and enough humility to accept their help when it’s your turn.