As a parent, I’ve always been more focused on standards than praise.
Participation trophies made me cringe. That poster in the school hallway that said“It’s better to be kind than right,” still makes my eye twitch.
Day to day, I’m not cold. I’m affectionate. I joke around. I care deeply. But, I don’t let that get in the way of setting high standards with the kids.
As my daughter gets ready to graduate, I’ve been thinking about what actually makes me proud.
This year’s been full of milestones: National Technical Honor Society (I swear honor societies are scams), a cosmetology license, her first car, and more.
She wants me to be proud of those things. And I get it—they matter. But to me, they were always the expectation. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
What actually makes me proud:
- Her coworkers go out of their way to tell me how hard she works.
- She’s held two jobs this year. One for money, one to build experience for her future in cosmetology.
- She works until 9 p.m. or later most nights, without complaining.
- She’s done that while keeping her grades up.
- She takes sharp feedback from me without flinching, and then acts on it.
- She’s proud that we hold her to a higher standard than most of her friends are held to.
I’m proud of her for who she is, not just what she’s done.
The outcomes were never the point. The character was.
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